


things have changed for me (and that's okay)

by craptaincold (taakoshell), taakoshell



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, for once idk how to tag this, it's kinda heavy, leonard and ray find comfort in each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-28
Updated: 2017-06-28
Packaged: 2018-11-20 11:30:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11334810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taakoshell/pseuds/craptaincold, https://archiveofourown.org/users/taakoshell/pseuds/taakoshell
Summary: When he did come back to life, gasping and shooting up out of the familiar cot in the Waverider’s med bay, he was more confused and startled than anything.  People,the Legends, they were standing around him, asking him a million questions he didn’t have an answer to.  During their interrogations, he learned that apparently, his consciousness was floating throughout the time stream, and Gideon had happened to pick up on it.  He didn’t know how they got his body back, and he was frankly too overwhelmed to ask at this point.Overwhelmed.  That’s a new one.  Turns out, after a few months not feeling anything, when you finally do feel again, it’s stronger than you ever experienced in your life.  He liked to think he was pretty in control of his emotions, that he only showed what he wanted to show.  But that was before he died.  Now, sitting here, being surrounded and doted on, he felt many things.  Claustrophobic, for one.  Scared.  Confused.  Sad…  He missed Lisa.  He missed Central.  He wanted to go home.  He felt vulnerable.  He wanted to cry.





	things have changed for me (and that's okay)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thebitterbeast](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebitterbeast/gifts).



> here you go, aradhna <3 i know how much u love angst. it kinda got away from me and isn't exactly the prompt you sent, but i hope you like it
> 
> dccwrarepairswap prompt:  
> coldatom - now that he's back, leonard notices that ray's different from what he remembers. he's quieter and there are less easy smiles for the team. nobody else seems to notice, or they've gotten used to it. nobody seems to care. but leonard wants to know what's happened to ray. and in observing ray, feelings develop.

_“There’s no strings on me!”_

A cry that echoed, followed by a blinding white light, and then…

Nothing.

There was nothing.  Leonard felt nothing.  He _was_ nothing.  But, somehow, he wasn’t.  His body was gone, completely obliterated by the blow of the oculus, but his consciousness, somehow, that remained in tact.  He didn’t know how long he stayed like this, floating aimlessly throughout time.  But, he didn’t think he cared.  He didn’t care much of anything, which, he supposed might be a nice thing, since now when he thought of the horrors of his past, he didn’t feel the familiar pang of sorrow anymore.  Though, even when he thought of the nicer things that came into his life, he still felt nothing.  Not the warm glow that filled his heart when he used to think of Lisa.  Not even the amused yet slightly annoyed feeling he got when he thought of the do-gooders in his life.  The Flash and his little friends back home in Central City, the self-proclaimed Legends and their always failing missions.  He wondered if the last mission was a fail.  Did he die for nothing?  He figured if he was alive, he would be pretty angry at that.

 When he did come back to life, gasping and shooting up out of the familiar cot in the Waverider’s med bay, he was more confused and startled than anything.  People, _the Legends_ , they were standing around him, asking him a million questions he didn’t have an answer to.  During their interrogations, he learned that apparently, his consciousness was floating throughout the time stream, and Gideon had happened to pick up on it.  He didn’t know how they got his body back, and he was frankly too overwhelmed to ask at this point.

Overwhelmed.  That’s a new one.  Turns out, after a few months not feeling anything, when you finally do feel again, it’s stronger than you ever experienced in your life.  He liked to think he was pretty in control of his emotions, that he only showed what he wanted to show.  But that was before he died.  Now, sitting here, being surrounded and doted on, he felt many things.  Claustrophobic, for one.  Scared.  Confused.  Sad…  He missed Lisa.  He missed Central.  He wanted to go home.  He felt vulnerable.  He wanted to cry.

 Someone cleared their throat, standing towards the back of the entourage.  Raymond?

“Hey, guys, why don’t we give him a little space?  He must be pretty exhausted right now.  Let’s let him rest for a bit.”  He offered a smile to the rest of the team, but something about it seemed… off.  It didn’t reach his eyes.  The rest of the team didn’t seem to notice, but they seemed to agree with him, and slowly began to filter out of the room, making Leonard promise to call someone if he needed anything.  Ray was the last to leave, and Len wasn’t about to let him go just yet.

“Raymond,” he called quietly.  The name was so familiar on his tongue.  It felt nice.  Comforting, somehow, though he didn’t understand how or why.  Ray stopped and turned around slightly.  He still wore the same fake smile on his face.

“Yeah?  What’s up?  Do you need something?”  He answered, his voice soft and bright.

“Sit,” Leonard commanded, nodding towards a nearby chair.  Ray tilted his head curiously, but obeyed.   Len studied him for a moment, not saying anything.  Ray squirmed uncomfortably and offered another one of his half-hearted smiles.

“How’re you feeling?”  Ray asked.

“Peachy,” Len replied, not missing a beat.  “Was going to ask you the same question.”

“Me?”  Ray questioned.  He seemed surprised.  “I’m fine.  Great, actually, now that you’re back.  I…   _We_ missed you.”

Leonard hummed thoughtfully, closing his eyes.  “I’m sure.  You can run along now, Raymond.  I’m going to get some sleep.”  Ray nodded and got up, and, with one last lingering look towards the other man, shuffled off.

Len was deemed well enough to move around a few days later.  During that time, he noticed a few changes had been made to the team.  Everyone he had known previously had visited him at least once while he was bedridden, except the hawks.  He quietly wondered if they didn’t make it, or if they just decided to take off and start their own flock.  He hoped for the latter, but he was too hesitant to ask in case of the former.  The two new recruits, Nate and Amaya, he learned their names were, seemed to avidly avoid him.  Len was still trying to adjust to being alive again to really think or care about why.

As soon as Gideon announced the news that he was safe to leave the med bay, he marched straight towards the showers.  He needed to feel the sensation again.  The hot water dripping down his back, hearing it thrum down into the drain.  The soft, foamy soap.  The fresh smells and steamy mirrors.  After being so long without a body, he felt like he needed to re-experience every physical sensation possible, as soon as possible.

He turned the water on, sticking his hand under until he felt it warm up enough to his liking, and began to strip his clothes.  When he slipped his shirt off, he looked in the mirror and gasped.

His scars were gone.

He slowly let out a breath, trailing his hands around his body, where the unpleasant markings should have been.  They were gone…  They were _gone_.  Where did they go?  Every grim reminder of his past life was gone.  He was left with a blank slate of skin, fresh and new like he had never gotten them in the first place.  He felt his eyes start to well up as he choked down a sob.  His scars were gone…

“Leonard…?” A voice spoke from the doorway, soft and bright and comforting just like before.  Len didn’t dare look over at Ray, he couldn’t stand the thought of someone seeing him so raw, so vulnerable like this.

Yet…

Yet Raymond would probably understand.  Raymond, who was all sunshine and rainbows and everything good in the world on the surface, carrying a bone deep sorrow that no one should have to carry alone.

“I…  I, uh.  I came to rinse off, but I can come back a different time, if you want to be alone…”  Ray spoke, unsure but gentle.  Len shook his head.  He took a deep breath, grabbing a hold of his composure enough to be able to speak.

“Where did you find my body?”

“We, uh.  We regrew it.  Remember when you lost your hand?  We used that, but just, with your whole body this time.  Why…?”

Len closed his eyes, taking another breath.  “I used to have scars.  Comes with the job of being a criminal, but my dad was never exactly Dad-of-the-Year, either.”

Ray’s eyes widened, realization dawning on him.  He approached him slowly, reaching a hand out to place comfortingly on his shoulder.  Len normally would’ve pulled away at the contact, but he felt himself leaning into it.  Ray took this as an okay to pull him into a hug, and suddenly Leonard was overwhelmed with the sensation of Ray.  He was warm and firm and he smelled like metal, and Leonard couldn’t help but return the embrace.  He found that his head fit perfectly in the crook of Ray’s neck, and if he started crying again, he would blame it on being overwhelmed by too many sensations after being dead for so long.  Ray didn’t judge him, though.  He figured he wouldn’t.  He just stood there, holding Leonard, gently rubbing his back and whispering soft reassurances in his ear.  When Len finally found enough strength to pull away, Ray smiled, a genuine smile this time.  He reached out and wiped the tear tracks from Leonard’s cheeks with his thumbs, cupping his face.

“Think of it this way,” Ray said, “you officially have a fresh start at a new life.  No scars to weigh you down now, you know?”

Len laughed, despite everything.  “Y’know, Raymond.  I think this is the first time I’ve seen you actually smile since I came back.”

Ray blinked.  “What?  Well, you just haven’t been around that long, and you’ve been stuck in bed all this time, and -”

“How’re you feeling, Raymond?”

“You asked me that the other day.”

“Answer the question.”

“Peachy, then.”

Leonard scoffed.  “You know what ‘peachy’ means, don’t you, Raymond?”  Ray didn’t answer, looking away, taking a step back.  Len took a step forward.  “You don’t have to keep it in.  I know I’m not really the best person to be giving you this advice, but considering I just cried my eyes out on your shoulder a second ago, I’d say it’s at least a little justified.”

Ray sighed, a shaky sigh that seemed to hold every emotion he’s bottled up over the years.  And then, the dam broke.

He cried, just as Leonard had not even a moment before, and now this time, it was Len’s turn to comfort him.  Ray sank down to his knees, and Len sat beside him, wrapping an arm around him.  It surprised the both of them, how much Ray had locked up inside.  Though, Len figured it shouldn’t be that surprising.  He realized, now as he looked back, that the Boy Scout’s smiles never truly seemed to be all there, ever since he met him.  He was offended at himself that he took so long to notice.

When the crying began to die down, Leonard planted a soft kiss to Ray’s temple.  That made Ray blink and look over at him questioningly.

“You don’t have to talk about it now, and I can’t promise I’ll give the best advice you need, but I’ve been told I’m a good listener,” Len said.  Ray swallowed and nodded, giving Len the second genuine smile he had seen from him that day.  Before he could stop himself, he leaned in, pressing his lips to Raymond’s in a soft kiss.  Ray kissed back and brought his hand up to hold Len in place, like he was scared if he let go, he might lose him again.  When they broke apart, a familiar glint had appeared in Leonard’s eyes.

“Hmmm.  If this is an entirely new body, that must make me a virgin again, doesn’t it?”  He purred, the teasing tone back in his voice that Ray had grown to love.  Ray chuckled, ducking his head in such an endearingly bashful way that Len couldn’t keep himself from smiling at him.

“Guess it does.  Maybe we uh, we could change that.”

**Author's Note:**

> come yell w me on [the tumblrz](http://craptaincold.tumblr.com)


End file.
